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Monday, January 19, 2015

Negativity that i do not need

A simple situation.

One fine day. A ask his/her friend for an opinion on which car s/he should buy. None give fruitful opinion.

A bought his/her dream car then.

Not long after A bought the car, one friend said. "If I were you. I won't  buy this car. Such a waste." And keep on listing down the cons without considering that A had already bought the car s/he likes since no one ever bother to at least 'advice' before s/he finally made his/her decision. And A don't even as his/her friends' opinion after s/he made his/her decision.

What you can do when you are in this kind of situation?

Simple.

If you don't have anything good to say. Shut the f*** up.

Seriously.

Tiada kaitan dengan yang hidup mahupun yang telah pergi.

Friday, January 16, 2015

Dinding

Tengok dinding
Sedih

Tak apalah
Untuk masa depan yang lebih baik
Ada perkara yang perlu dilepaskan

Perlu lebih selalu ingat
Habuan masing-masing

Takdir ini telah termaktub setelah sekian lama
RahsiaNya.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

they taste like happiness

Aisha visited me today. She's a friend from highschool. She came to send me ......


Tadaaaa...


My Favourite curly wurly from Teha...


How can I not be happy?




Surprisingly, Aisha never eat this before and was curious about the taste. And I told her "they taste like happiness, at least to me!" and I want her to have one. I was seeking for this curly wurly for quite sometime. And got unlucky most of the time. It was like either they don't have it at the store or they're just out of stock. T_T

I've been postponing my bath time since like 6pm. and i have to promise myself to go and shower and sleep after this or else i won't get enough rest for tomorrow.

hey. there's approximately 3 weeks left for me to work in the current firm. I am happy to the fact that, that means i'm moving to new place soon. and a bit sad to the fact that i'm leaving the firm where i actually already comfortable working in and i'm leaving the current house where we lived. I have a lot of my father's memories here. But hey. Rational first. You can't live with memories. Being the only one who's working, we need to let go few assets for a long term plan. One of them, is to let go this house.

Well, anyway, Aisha came helped me packing things and we had a really good chat session while packing. I've been really busy lately i forget to let loose. So, talking to her just now makes me realized how i haven't been giving myself enough space to breathe. We talked about a lot of things. We discussed about our problems. Like a real problem. Not just a problem.problem. Yeah. If you know what I mean. =)

I did tell her how exhausting i am to keep on being happy for others while the real fact is. No. I'm not happy. At all. Don't get me wrong. I do have some friends who inspire me a lot. And all I want is their happiness. I just sick with few who keep on seeking for an unnecessary attention and making all the not so problem as a problem. OK. cakap macam apa dah.pusing-pusing.

So, after talking to Aisha. I cancelled my RSVP to one of my not so close friend.(not that she makes me do this. I somehow get different idea of finding my own happiness) And book myself a conference (marriage conference) on that 14th February. I hope it will be as inspiring as TOF. I haven't been talking to other people except my officemate and my family for these past few weeks. I thanked God Kak Nadd is back so i can call her whenever I need to talk or rant. I haven't hang out for ages. And to be able to talk to someone else today is blissful. I no longer feel doubt with some of my actions. Like, my choice for my next firm and all. I am more clear with what I want. And what I don't want.

All in all. I haven't done packing. Yet. and will progressively doing it. For all the love gestures. Thank you. You have no idea how good I feel.

I do have that Monday Blues mode on eventually. But hey. One really good thing Allah keep on reminding me is.Since the day it happened. Although He took away my Father from me. He let me learn a lot about unconditional loves from strangers and friends. He keep on reminding me, no matter how bad my life gets, I have all the loves in the world.


- E N D -

Sunday, January 4, 2015

La Tahzan

Among all the hard things to do in life is to stay positive.

But hey. To remember that Allah tests you because He cares really calm me down.

Betul la. Make yourself closer to Him. And you'll be fine. There's an ayat on that. I can't recall.

Not for the first time I wish I were born boy. In this full of discrimination life, where voice of women are usually ignored. Where a matured (25y.o and above) are considered threat by other married women. They are afraid you might 'steal' their husband. Or whatever difficulty you have to go through is way for you to get attention. Honestly, i've been avoiding a lot of married (guy friend) and hold the boyfriend status friend. And because you have no one to protect you. You are vulnerable.
Been experiencing that a lot lately.

Like how I see some unmarried women struggling with their life. To stay independent. And what public see are a pathetic single lady who refuse to get married because she thinks she's too good for anyone. I'm in that group now.

I live with my Mak now. Most of the time. Working in the field where most of the team members are men is hard. I overheard they gossip between each other that they were not surprise that i'm not married yet since i'm quite harsh at site. So, do they expect me to become more ladylike in site? Seriously?

Been out with some guy friends where the topic was about girls and the way they explain it showed that, "eh, bapak dia tak bagi keluar malam. Satgi masak i kena" or "abang dia sado. Ko jangan main-main". Well, most of them treat me like i'm just another guy. I can't make them see me as a lady. But they are all okay anyway. Their topic make me think if all men actually see things that way. Like "jangan kacau dia, nanti *you name who* marah ko, baru ko tahu". I have none to stand up for me to be honest. I only have my Mak and myself.

I've been experiencing a lot of situation where people do whatever they want to do or say whatever they want to say when they realized that there's only me and my mom in the scene. They saw helpless women. Do anything towards them. No one will actually gonna do a thing to you. Yes. That bad. I totally understand how hard the single mom out there live life. It's hard. And they made it. People really take you for granted. They don't pity you. They just think that you are pathetic. I'm not a single mom. I'm just another typical unmarried lady living with her mom.

Sorry for all the negativity. But I do hope whoever read this entry learn something out of it. Some thing might be easy for you. Some thing that easy for you might be impossible to others. There's a lot of other people struggling to live. Treat people equally. Some of us unmarried women do not choose this kind of life. We have no choice but to live the life. So please. Put away all those stigma about single mom, unmarried women and people who you think do not work hard enough towards success.
We live different  life. Remember that!

E N D

.Posted from android.

Saturday, January 3, 2015

up.down.clear.pretentious

hey. Happy new year.

i hope i could begin it with something really cool and positive. like trying to make my life more interesting and what not. having those dreamy event. get myself a boyfriend. less hating anyone. and bla bla bla.

but ended up, i had my married ex boyfriend added me up on FB on new year's eve. so unpleasant! i ACCIDENTALLY stalk someone's ig who had been set to private before this, and hey no longer private? and showing all those majlis agama s/he attended. you know. it's funny nowadays, you have to kinda tell everyone what you eat, what kind of religious event  you attend to, and you know, set up everything to make your life looks cooler than everyone else. blame it on social media!

i somehow do considering shutting down Facebook and strictly avoiding myself from stalking anyone.

that's my resolution then. no more stalking. shut down FB(this one i don't know when). relisting friends. like who among them really want to be my friend or they just you know...whatevs..make sure i run 30 minutes 3 days per week (at  least! this will start once i move to new place). i wish i could do tahajud everyday (show off, tahajud pon nak tell the whole wide world..ok simple. i want to be closer to God..i've been too busy focusing on Dunia. seriously) i need to start focusing on getting my title for architect. i need to save more. i badly want to go for Umrah. and i hope i can make it happen this year. my last visit was on 2003.

and. most important thing. i need to stop looking at how green the grass are on the other side and focus on what i have.

i need to stop that constant feeling of people are getting pretentious day after day. i don't have problem with pious people. i only have problem with people who think they are pious.

i wont promise myself not to buy books and all. because books are like groceries to me. will seriously start seeking for partner for life(yes.husband) as my mum makes it one of  her must see thing before she dies. (Lord!) and as my ex-bf suddenly showed up. i was a bit uncomfortable to the fact that he used to say,,, if i don't marry him, no one else would. because no one else dare to ask for my hand. (no. i need to prove him wrong???) whatevs.

so many thing to achieve. so many thing to prove. just need to remind myself. please don't hate people who uploaded their pics attending those 'majlis agama' as you too..did the same thing. and seriously Kunang, when you have to constantly prove something (like need to post this and that on ig..just  because someone said you'll never eat at the stall..or you are not as pious as whoevs you know who)... eliminate those people.


You know you.

- E N D -