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Tuesday, February 11, 2014

I remember

Dah lama blog ni tak dihias sesuatu yang ceria atau seronok untuk difikir-fikirkan.

.......Well I still remember the day it happened. The day my father passed away.

Kawan-kawan freaked out. Like super duper freaked out. I know they don't know how should they react, what should they do to calm myself down and all. I still remember one of my friends told me to lie down. Some of them want to give their shoulders, some offer hugs and actually many of them offer so many things. They thought maybe I would want to curl or be in that fetus position. Yup. Something like that. And I have no idea why they thought that lying down would calm me down. I did not lie down anyway. Peluk bantal juga tidak. Yang betul-betul aku ingat, ada 3 orang saja yang aku peluk waktu itu. Helen, Farra, Aboo. Selain itu, kawan-kawan lain, I have no idea why they made me tea, sirap bandung, brought me a lot of chocs, cooked for me, datang hari-hari teman aku buat kerja, bersengkang mata tolong aku buat kerja and aboo even flew to Tasmania for me. Teha called to say hi. I had countless number of wonderful friends texting and emailing to check me up. To say their best words and all. I have friends who I no longer contact messaged me at Facebook telling me not to worry because everything in Malaysia had been taken care. And 'semua urusan berjalan lancar'. Kak nadd and mieza yg keep me update about things in Malaysia. And everyone yang seriously be there during that hard time.

Masa tu. Aku tak boleh hadam kenapa semua orang boleh jadi semanis itu. Balasan apa yang aku boleh bagi?

Hari ni. Satu kawan diusik malang. Aku rasa sakit hati yang amat. Rasa macam nak pergi tolong rentap semua kesakitan dia buang jauh-jauh.

Ya. Kuasa kasih sayang. Pelik tapi benar. Pelik-pelik apa yang mampu perasaan ini lakukan. Ya. Perlu lebih bersyukur kerana dikurniakan mereka yang betul-betul tidak berkira sayang mereka. Yang tidak kisah seburuk mana pun aku. Sayang itu tetap sama. Yang tidak kisah pun jika sayang mereka lebih banyak dari sayang aku.

Kepada kawan yang aku pasti tahu siapa dirinya. Kekal rationale kuncinya. Perasaan itu akal yang kawal. Masih ramai yang ada. Masih ramai yang tak berkira kasih sayang. Yang pasti. Allah sentiasa ada. Kita sentiasa ada matlamat untuk hidup. I just want you to know. It is okay to be weak once in a while. Being strong is tiring. Kita manusia. Tak boleh kawal semua.

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