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Wednesday, July 31, 2013

attention

i think i have wrote somewhere that i think im gonna like ADR this semester? hey..i still like the unit...the meetings...the discussion...what really bothering me at this moment is the unwanted attention that i received during class... hmm..i don't know whether it is a good thing or a bad thing... but it seems like both ceridwen and scott keep discussing my research for ADR... well...for those who want to know what  the hell is ADR...it stands for Advance Design Research...and i've been assigned to showcase group...which is quite contrast to what  i've done for my previous ADR...which was 'how do graffiti create space'..i never work in group for research before this...so this is totally a new thing..

so..for this showcase group. we need to propose a form of communication to publish the collection of students' work that we have in the archive. im the kind who always turn to non-archi people when i think i don't know what to do...seriously... it helps...like.. A LOT! and i go and kacau everyone on earth that  i think love me with a lot of questions...hihi.. well..im proposing an architecture exhibition with the non-archi people as my primary audiences. hmmm....cool tak? (tak menahan perasan cool) the reason is that i think we, the architects always speak different language. with those complicated terms here and there. i really hate it when i think the point could be explained easily but they have it in a very complicated way. aku syak..sebenarnya dorang tak paham apa yang dorang nak cakap, so guna term hebat-hebat..nak kasi orang impress???

nak dijadikan cerita, there's a rumour that says that  our showcase group was formed because they want to start selling these communicating idea for non-archi people. yeay? i have hit the nail? or my proposal seems to be more straightforward? and realistic?

whatever it is. if they really want to hire me as an exhibition expert right after graduate, Alhamdulillah. i've worked once with MOA for their exhibition.(real life project) yes, i do have experience, but i didn't do any research back then. i just designed whatever i think appropriate.. you see...now i know why He let me be in the interior firm...and make it really hard to get accepted in any company..see.. it helps now...i won't have this kind of knowledge if im in the architecture firm...

and if they are really interested with my 'expertise', they might let me direct an exhibition. cool eh? semua ini bunyi seperti janji2 manis...hahahhaa...tak kisah la tu...Alhamdulillah...daripada takde janji langsung kan? hihi..

so..sem ni ialah sem yang aku berazam, aku takmo pertikai dah why things happen certain way...i want to believe that He has greater plan for me. Walaupun sem ni terlalu pack, i feel blessed. banyak betul opportunity. They really let me do what i want and like. Alhamdulillah...semoga aku kurang rasa frust. gittew.

kepada semua yang mencurahkan unconditional love kat aku. yang memberi idea kat aku tanpa berbelah bagi. thank you very much. sayang korang!!! semua aku cakap tadi masa meeting..hehe..lecturer baru nak suruh aku interview non-archi people...dengan segera aku jawab..done that! =)

apa-apalah kan...He knows better...hidup yang happy ialah bila kita redha with whatever plans He made for us... yaaa...aura positive...ke sini lah!! hihihi..



- E N D -

If you can't explain your ideas to your grandmother in terms that she understands, you don't know your subject well enough.

If you can't explain your ideas to your grandmother in terms that she understands, you don't know your subject  well enough.


(Matthew Frederick, page 48, 101 Things I learned In Architecture School)

boo. aku paling malas kalau aku tanya. jawapan yang aku harap hanyalah ye atau tidak. tapi explainnya panjang lebar buang masa aku tapi takde point. 

*punca dah nak mai dah. pagi-pagi bikin spoil.

ya. aku yang mudah annoyed. ini bukan bodoh sombong tapi kalau yang berilmu tak pandai sampaikan ilmu, aku kena cari orang lain yang berilmu yang pandai sampaikan ilmu dia. mana nak cari? pffttt...

- E N D -

Sunday, July 28, 2013

bulan puasa. semester mencabar. dugaan terbesar.

bulan puasa. dengan class smpai ke petang. orang bukak puasa pukul 5, kita bukak puasa 6.30 sebab class tak habis-habis. Nak curi-curi minum air pon time-time pukul 5 tu la ko nak kena speak up during meeting. dugaan.

well..dugaan bukan lah itu yang utama...tapi dugaan-dugaan kecil menjadikan nya besar sehingga diragui kemampuan diri untuk menanggungnya...

work load semester ini? seperti ada 48jam sehari gayanya. tapi, harus yakin. Allah tak akan biarkan hambanya menempuh perkara yang tidak mampu ditempuhnya.

sungguh. rindu suasana monash. tambah-tambah bulan puasa. dari zaman nisha, aisyah dan nora hingga lah ke zaman nora,  roa dan feeza... teringat buat video  raya...owh rindu sungguh... ada time aku rasa nak ber'saudara' aku rindu aisyah, time aku rasa nak random bercakap pasal macam-macam teringat nora, rasa nak bincang idea design aku yang terlebih 'liar' terkenang nisha. masing-masing ada sebab-sebab kukuh untuk dirindui... kadang-kadang aku rasa monash tu macam sekolah...ada alumni..nanti balik malaysia kena buat laa reunion monash...semangat sisterrrrrrs monash tu memang dahsyat laaa....

sebenarnya. aku rasa aku rindu suasana rumah lama. which year? both. both years ada cerita unik sendiri.

sem ni so far, Alhamdulillah. banyak urusan dipermudahkanNya...mencabar..tapi dimudahkan... bila mana rasa hendak jatuh. pasti Dia hantar sesiapa untuk terus mempositivekan aku yang hampir negative. Pelbagai bentuk pertolongan dihantar. Cuma tinggal nak kenaa sedar diri dan bersyukur sahaja.

Alhamdulillah.
adakah ini homesick? haha.

- E N D -

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

kreatif itu berani

sambil type ni aku terbayang lisa surihani cakap pasrah itu menyerah... >.<

ritu aku teringin bahulu secara tidak semena-mena...tengah research pasal design..ntah macam mana ntah..sedar-sedar aku dah teresearch resepi bahulu... maka..segera lah aku menyedarkan diri sendiri agar segera kembali ke pangkal jalan...

tapi akhirnya..malam tu aku buat jugak..tak bape jadi...tapi layan kan aja...tak jadi, makan sendiri je la..idak le aku boleh mengagih-agih kepada masyarakat kampung...naseb baik aku tak stress sebab bahulu tak jadi.. haih...bahulu pon jadi hal...terer orang kat tesco tu buat...laju dan kemas...gila aaahh...aku punya ada yang hitam..cekelat..dan sebagainya...

ni pon patutnya kena kembali ke pangkal jalan dah ni..patutnya dah boleh dengar pekikan helen sikit-sikit ni..dah nak menjelang jumaat dah... T_T dah takde term TGIF...aku ada horror friday je sekarang...

tapi mujurlah session ADR tadi agak membahagiakan...walaupon aku lost je...tapi...hari ni kena propose idea...seketul je student yang datang prepare..kalo aku jadi lecturer aku hamukan dengan semua student...punya berdebar nak tunggu turn aku kena bercakap...kalo jantung ada speaker...compem dorang bunuh je aku kasi mati supaya senyap dan tenteram dunia ini... nak dijadikan cerita..aku tak paham apa mende pon diorang ni present...aku salu ada masalah ni...di mana aku sorang je faham lain dari orang...tak keruan aku...time tu aku dok bebel dalam hati, 'dorang ni speak english..apsal aku tak paham langsung ni?'

sampai turn aku...bukan aku present pon..aku tanya adalah dekat 2 dozen soalan...lepas tu baru aku cerita...siap btau siap-siap aku tak paham apa yang diorang ni bincangkan...aku perasan scott dok tengok aku tiap kali explain...aku cuba pikir..muka apa yang tengah aku pamerkan ni?? sebab dulu C suka cakap aku ada muka tak paham...aku first time ngan scott ni...apa la yang dia pikir bila nampak aku??mujurlah...aku hit the right point...like seriously..memang right terus takde belok-belok...aku macam nak sujud syukur kat situ jugak rasanya...sebab aku ingat aku yang tak cukup abstract sebab tak paham apa yang dorang tengah discuss... T_T so..Alhamdulillah.. aku tak sesat..patut la banyak kali dia dok tanya 'semua orang paham camni ke?' dari awal..(eh dia cakap omputih) banyak point aku dapat...banyak suggestion yang terus masuk interest aku...bila aku cakap scott sambung...haaa...tu menandakan great minds tengah think alike lettew..(fuh..tak menahan kau kunang!!) Alhamdulillah..tu je yang mampu aku ucap dalam hati banyak2 kali..walaupon time present sepatutnya tengah bukak puasa sambil control perut supaya tak berbunyi...maka..dengan experience interior designing...and exhibition design..aku harap...semua itu membantu...aku dah ada sedikit rasa seronok nak menjalani sem ini...

library aku...???aku kena cari balik keseronokan aku yang hilang geoff buang ritu...aku suka library...tu sebab aku propose library! aku suka exhibition...tu sebab aku nak design exhibition...so..hopefully...all the positive energies remain sampai habis...harap ceridwen paham kenapa aku gagap last week tapi tadi aku boleh cakap seperti mak nenek...dia dah boleh agak aku memang tak boleh orang bombard time aku present...sebab aku ada tendency untuk melimitkan imaginasi aku sebab malas nak dengar lecturer membebel...tu sebab project dia dulu aku success sungguh pon aku sorang je present takde master planning...nampak tak camne otak aku beroperasi?? takde masalah untuk aku diguide...tapi jangan buat keputusan untuk aku...nanti aku hilang pedoman..muahahhahaha...

so...exhibition...boleh la..cerita serba sedikit exhibition kegemaran korang...aku nak tahu...sebab architect ni ada masalah...tak reti guna term yang semua manusia paham...

member aku tadi cakap..'helen is your first luck, He will keep sending you His luck. xoxo. hallelujah'

aku nak nanges baca. Alim rupanya budak ni. aku ingat dia Atheist.

mari  buang rasa tak suka nak dengar lecturer bebel...mari benarkan helen masuk ke dalam otak...bak kata helen.. 'raja, (sila sebut dengan makhraj mat saleh), u need to let me get into your head,' huh? scary.

- E N D -

Thursday, July 18, 2013

after midnight

as usual..tajuk nak A.. hahhaa...

anyway, my classes already started. And so far it had been good. and i have another class tomorrow and i actually have to prepare reflection for tomorrow's class. and here i am, wasting my time blogging.

Alhamdulillah, so far, He has ease my early journey a lot. and to be honest, i am super takut for tomorrow. InsyaAllah no more Geoff and hello Helen. She had been really good to me so far. I can see some of the mat saleh were getting a bit annoyed when she kept mentioning my name in class for no reason. And this is my first time working with her, and her randomness towards me was like WOW for today. It might seems unfair for others that i've been given so many options to ease my journey. Alhamdulillah. And thanks to her, i think now everyone in the class know my name. -_-"

well. i am actually reflecting my previous semester work. i feel okay with my brief. but feel sorry for my  AT4... i like it when i look back at my work and say, "i cant believe it that i can produce such an amazing thing" (at least it did look amazing to me, considering i am just an average student) and what happen tonight is the other way around. i was like "where did you put your brain when u drew this? u misplaced it?"

So, all the harsh and mean comments from abang bo now make sense. I do look like i don't know what i'm doing. and what  i can conclude is. I can't never work with Geoff. (and i did list him as my second option in my supervisor list! what the heck kunang?!!) i over think over everything when im with him. i am afraid to do anything, afraid that i might do it the wrong way than he expected it to be. i am too afraid that i am wrong all the time and towards the end, yes, i am in the wrong path. and the problem is me, not him at all. he is one of the most brilliant alive man i've ever met. sarcastic all the time, but yes, i've seen the other side of him too, he cares. he always has his own soft spot for everyone.

So, aturan Allah pasti ada sebab musabab nya. He wont plan it for no reason. I've learned. Learned that, when i am too afraid, too careful in everything i do, i suck. when i'm too afraid, i have that tendency to over think, when i over think, i screw up.

So, tonight im gonna promise myself, i might be complaining about this Library thingy again, but i am so going to love it. library really is my thing. i hope helen will treat me good. she seems like a nice person today. and i hope it lasts. hehehe.

Finally, design stage! dah boleh berhenti fikir strategi tak berkesudahan....yeay..!!

- E N D -

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

down

comment paling mean pernah diterima.
berjaya buat aku down walaupon in denial down.
conclusion sendiri, aku rasa dia benci aku, kitorang.
btol la tu.

- E N D -

Friday, July 12, 2013

Perkara haru

random kindness makes me happy...

Tapi hari ni aku nak cerita kisah kindness dari orang-orang yang aku kenal...

Bila bila masa..kalau sape-sape menunjukkan sifat ambil berat... aku sure terharu...walaupon bukan towards aku beratnya tu... kita boleh detect kisah concern ni plastic atau pon realistic selalunya... so far Alhamdulillah...aku dikurniakan Nya kawan-kawan yang menyenangkan.. yang sayang aku just the way I am.. yang faham..aku memang ratu sesat jalan... so bila aku nak balik.. sure tanya.."sure tak pandai balik sendiri ni???" Walaupon kekadang tu jalan tu memang aku berjuta kali dah lalu..nampak tak betapa tak confidentnya dorang aku boleh balik sendiri??? T_T nampak beno selalu sesat jalan...yaaaa...aku kronik bab lost jalan...sebab bila sesat..aku tatau nak explain pon aku kat mana...haih...

Kawan yang meminjam kan telinga dan bahu dengar aku membebel and mengomel macam-macam...ni pon aku terharu...aku bersimpati dengan kawan-kawan aku ni...tapiiiii...sebab aku sayang korang la aku cerita...pffttt...tak menahan kan ayat aku??? Hahahahaa...

Lagi??? Kawan-kawan yang tak boleh tengok aku tak sihat or tak ok...yang cepat gila feels sorry sebab tahu aku tak ok... diorang baru msg "hoi...ko ok tak?"
aku dah rasa terharu...gittew..

Yang bila aku mintak tolong tu...bersungguh sungguh menolongnya... u have place in my heart.. aicheh... yang no problem pon nak amik aku kat mana-mana pon janji boleh keluar ngan aku...pfffttt..hatiku besar..banyak space..u have place in my heart too...

Yang direct je betulkan aku time aku silap...ni lagi double triple terharu... nampak tak betapa dia kisah aku buat silap??

Tak lupa jugak yang sensitif seperti..kunang tak suka kacang..jgn letak kacang dalam kek ni kalo nak bagi dia...*terharu* hari ni birthday kunang....jom buat makan-makan.. *terharu* kunang geli ikan ni..kita masak asing untuk dia.. *terharu berjuraian air mata*

Banyak songeh sangat kan???

Well..sebenarnya...concept mudah..aku berkawan dengan orang yang nak kawan ngan aku...sebab ada sorang kakak ni pernah tanya aku..."kenapa awak macam tak berkawan sangat ngan geng ni...bla...bla..bla.." jawapan aku..."sebab saya rasa diorang macam takmo kawan dengan saya" gittew sensitif jawapan aku...hahahaha... kalo orang tu cari aku..sure aku cari balik orang tu...orang tu baik ngan aku..aku sure akan berusaha untuk baik balik ngan orang tu... selama hidup..banyak, macam-macam jenis kawan dah aku jumpa...kawan bermusim..kawan sebab kepentingan...and kawan yang tak peduli pon ko macam mana.. well kawan yg tak peduli ni selalunya sangat menyenangkan... always give and take... takde simpan- simpan dalam hati punya...tak suka..cakap terus... senang kata..yang bila ko nak jumpa dia..ko rasa seronok... bila ko plan something...ko nak dia ada dalam plan ko tu..

Tapi aku ada jugak kawan yg aku macam nak keluar 2 orang je ngan dia..takmo dengan crowd...adaaaa..

Overall...aku selalu rasa lucky bila aku ada right friend (s) whenever I feel like I need one, walaupon kawan tu seasonal friend. Yang kawan-kawan yang all time friend tu...lagi la aku rasa lucky..kekadang tu macam terharu gilaaaa...sebab aku ingat dorang tak minat pon nak kawan ngan aku...

Eh. Entry ni kanak-kanak sikit...hahaha...

Tapiiiii...mende paling banyak aku dengar tahun ni...
"You always bring out the worst in me" (aku mcm gagal sket mngconstruct ayat ni...hahaha) but hey..im glad to know that that's your worst side...daripada ko dok plastic-plastic... at least you show your true colour. And as a friend. I'll learn to love your weakness too.

Sweet tak aku?
Kbai.

E N D

Friday, July 5, 2013

chop chop...aku nak membebel niii....

hoi....aku tengah nak push button start meroyan. Tadi received email from the lecturers.
1 - supervisor list
2 - research yang aku terpaksa buat sebab silibus dah tukaaa....yaaaaa... (padah tak ikut timeline asal)

so...supervisor list...baca nama supervisor je dah membuatkan aku rasa nak pegi lemaskan diri kat mana mana lombong... berapa ketul  je yang aku kenal...yang kenal tu pulak..yang memang aku tak pernah mimpi or terfikir nak diorang jadi supervisor aku... T_T sebab-sebabnya...jep? hoi..he's my worst nightmare... matt? kang dia emo kang cane?? dia mabuk  ke? cane? aku takut mamat tu...satgi dia tanya soalan pelik-pelik pasal personal life camne?? camne?? camne?? dia dah la salu nak explore otak aku... T_T... helen? kang dia jerit kang...pitch dia boleh merosakkan gegendang..boleh hilang ingatan aku dibuatnya... T_T tiba tiba jen nampak pilihan terhebat...ok..jen rank  pertama walaupon aku ragu...yang lain...aku nak  kena stalk dulu...mati  tak knal weyh...

oke...point number 2...research...aku dpt group yang kena travel often...which i hate the most! dah  la nanti  bukak ni  bulan puasa....nak tido cane? dorang overnight weyh kat umah lama tu...RUMAH LAMA!!! aku ni superstitious...penakut..ape lagi???tak suka history.. aku  sorang je malaysian nanti...yang paling penting...aku sorang je Muslim nanti... T_T nasib baik aku bukan the only pompuan seperti yang selalu terjadi...tapi stilll.....cane weyh? cane? cane? aku nak bagi excuse ape ni nanti?

tapi sebenarnya aku sangat berminat dengan rumah ni...kiranya impian tercapai..tapi aku takmo...cane tu???

"we believe that you would be a good choice to work with that group on developing the outputs"
tu ayat dorang..rasa nak terjun lombong baca part ni...suka bajet aku flexible...ke niat dorang nak bagi aku rasa black sheep?? =O

okeh.
sambung meroyan.
T_T

- E N D -

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Misi menyelamat teha

Bukak instagram..nampak teha pos gambo niiiiii...kelmarin malam..balik dari makan..aku drive..dari pondok pak guard tu aku nampak mata menyala2 atas jalan. Lepas tu nampak macam kepulan putih gitu. Aku senyap je..tetiba aku patah balik..bapak aku confuse pasal ape pulak aku reverse..lepas tu aku kata aku nmpak mende atas jalan... T_T ( tapi aku yakin la haiwan..cuma tatau nak teka haiwan apa..)

Lepas tu selamba aku kna sound dengan semua orang dalam kereta... TU LANDAK!!!

mana aku tau...aku tak pnah terjumpa landak lagi kat area sini..dorang macam beratur melintas anak beranak kot..!!biawak besar macam buaya pnah la aku jumpa..tenggiling kat laman rumah pon pnah..tapi time tu aku kanak2 lagi..tak pandai rasa takut sangat..sekarang ni....semua nak takut....haish...

Perasaan selepas tengok gambo ni...kesian nyaaaaaa...comel kot haiwan...ni kalo aku yang jumpa camne?? Sure aku panic tak tentu arah...seperti mana aku panic tak tentu arah bila bait aku ikan makan...sebab takut once aku tarik flathead yg naik...maybe aku terjun laut..aku biarkan ikan tu hidup di darat..??

Pape pon..syabas teha!! Gamba tu nampak kasih sayang yang dicurahkan demi dia boleh terus melihat dunia... (huwaaa..kelas ayat aku..)