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Friday, August 31, 2012

badly want to live in the present

looking at the title...some might just give assume that i am having this personal crisis or whatever crisis you named it...

no...it just that lately..i've been reminiscing a lot...and i'm not sure whether it's a good thing or negative...

i read ska's blog on self reflection... and she said she prefer the old her..and..surprisingly... i felt the same way too...

i'm wiser in the past...stronger...and seriously...i used to set my aim high...and i always make sure i achieve it..i never have that fear of failing...and i don't give a damn about other people...i don't care if they want to hate me or talk behind my back...i just didn't care at all...

and today..i am more fragile..more sensitive in many ways..easily touched by simple stupid things..and i have too many expression...(yes..i used to be that 'no expression' girl)..sometimes...i do miss my old me...i miss that expressionless face i always made...so i can hide all my feelings and when i hate...when i'm annoyed...no one could detect it...

in the good old days..i don't have to struggle with my own emotion...i just didn't care...come to think about it..i just have no idea how i could became one...

so...all in all...it is not the old me that i really miss...it is this negativity that i hope i could put aside...

- E N D -

Saturday, August 25, 2012

the easiest way to ruin my mood is by changing the plan at the eleventh hour

*and for not being punctual.

learned my lesson.~ (sendiri sakit hati)
and it's gonna be worse if you're an opposite gender friend.

all the excitement...gone...just like that!

- E N D -

ukur lah baju di badan sendiri

self reminder

nak achieve something biar lah berpada.
kalau tak mampu buat cara tak mampu...usaha lebih sikit....

kalau nak mengorat 'Jude Law'
tengok balik cermin...letak diri sendiri sebelah 'Jude Law' tengok apa jadi

kalau nak mengorat 'Mandy Moore'
pandai pandai la ukur tinggi

kalau nak mengorat 'Ricky Martin'
sedarkah anda siapa 'Ricky Martin'?
ke kau pon sehaluan?

hadoi. hadoi. hadoi.
mula dah mulut nak berbau longkang.
ha!

apalah sangat ada pada paras rupa kalau berbau sampah!

- E N D -

Friday, August 24, 2012

transparent

I am that transparent..my friends knew what i might like and love...

they said surely I'll love this shop... Milkbar

and I think I will too...

they thought I would love the event...

i did get all excited to see, to read and to join the show...

* artist sangat!

- E N D -

Thursday, August 23, 2012

I want to try all...

yup...and now...i finally feel like writing it all down...

i am the kind who always wanted to try something new...i never good at anything...but i know a lil bit about almost everything...

i've tried painting on canvas last semester...and i find it quite addictive....i've drew quite a lot considering the time i had..and had tried various method...(like creating texture and effect)...i only use acrylic at this moment...(still don't have the guts to draw using oil)...

most of the panting...were inspired by the pop art...since i am not really good at drawing a "real" figure... (i can draw but i'm so gonna fail colouring it)..so...pop art we go! i am super fussy at choosing things that i want to draw..but this addictive-ness had put the fussiness away...my first drawing was the pop art volkswagen ...and i am still looking for the right image to be drawn to complete the set...

here my 'masterpieces'...

p/s: pardon me for all the bad quality pics..I am just too lazy to pick up my camera so I just used my 2mp phone camera...

this blue Kombi is my first time...i mean...drawing on canvas...


i am a volkswagen fan...or specifically the Kombi...so...among all the paintings i've done...painting the Kombi(s) were such a bless...i never paint before...and seriously...my lecturer back in UiTM used to say stuff like "orang buta mewarna lagi cantik dari awak..."..and ever since that..i don't really enjoy colouring, painting or drawing...but i knew i can draw...i am not good at it..but yes...i can draw...but, i never good at colouring...since i had this long canvas that i bought for Design Research Method..and haven't been used because my proposal got rejected...so...this long canvas had stay at the corner in my room collecting dust (and still is..hehe...)so...feeling guilty all myself by  having it but not using it..I finally decided to try painting "stuff"...I googled some images that I think logic and seems logic to be drawn...and I think pop art image is quite easy to be drawn...and drawing stuff you love will make it easier....so..those two were my early paintings..

when I said that drawing stuff that you like is easier...I really meant it...I am quite a big fan Lana Del Rey... (i hate it because each time I think of her, Marilyn Manson's image will automatically popped in mind...*sigh) she had this unique face that I can't stop myself from drawing her...I drew the draft on a blank A4 paper and surprisingly...it took only few minutes...(minat punya pasal..-__-) well...I've edited her picture in the computer to look like a pop art painting...so i got the sharp figure, shapes and shadows so it's easier for me to draw it...


but...
towards the end..i decided not to draw her on the canvas...because i wont have any gut to hang her on the wall...(I penakut u'olls...nak lukis muka orang pon aku berdebar!)...so...bye bye Lana Del Rey...I threw her away... T___T

So...here is my other work...this Superman  painting...I saw the image at the internet while googling something else...and i finally decided to paint it...i am seriously not good at drawing hands...and FYI...this painting hasn't finish yet...i still need to work on the shadow...but...i just don't know when will i finish it...the reason i haven't finished it on one go is because i need it to be completely dry before i can apply another layer on the painting....and apparently the enthusiasm of finishing it "dry" together with the painting...but..i'll surely finish it one day and blog about it again...
and both this Superman and Mickey Mouse painting...I drew it while skyping with Kak Nadd..memang melukis sambil lewa habis...and both of them need a final touch up...both, on the shadow part...


okay....this is my first experiment creating texture on canvas....I watched this program on TV at Gold Coast one morning...and i think it's fun...while we were at the Carrara Market...i surveyed for the "impasto"(material we use to create this kind of texture)...I finally found another favourite shop in Launceston...Pearts..its like Kedai RM2 in Malaysia...but it had almost everything...the canvas were cheaper...it supplies art stuff in a very reasonable price before i finally found out that K-mart had it cheaper... T__T..but you can't always find canvas in K-mart..because they rarely restock canvas...but..yeah...it were hell cheaper in K-mart...
I make it just like how I watched it on TV...but it turn out not so good...i need to practise more...perhaps? its a combination of solid color and metallic...it produced that 'steel' effect...i am not really happy with the final product tho...but..after all...if i don't try...i won't know whether I gonna love it...or just hate it...

I like these texture thingy...it just that..i need more practise in handling the material...not something that can really be proud of...but who cares...at least I've tried...!!!

and here are some small canvas (20 x 20) i had...i got it quite cheap at K-mart...so..whenever I feel like doodling...i doodled on them...


i haven't get tired of drawing..(yet..)..but i am in searching for something new...i have the urge of doing 3d works...(computerized)just to polish the skill that i've long forgotten...and to do scrap books or wall of art full with my captured lomo photo...

but towards the end of searching something new...i've bought some cross stitch set...and trust me..it really got on my nerves...i mean..the tukar2 jarum part...but i love cross stitching...once i finish it..i'll blog about it... *wink*

owh..continue the story about 'towards the end' part....i finally decided that i should try sewing...anyway...i really wanted to knit...but knitting is not something that i can do just by common sense...i need to learn how to knit first to make it happen...but sewing....i can do it by common sense...it just feel right to put the pieces of clothes together to produce something...i am quite good at sewing manually. i have produced simple stuff like a cover for my hot pad so it stay warm longer...and some mini pouch..
please ignore the bad workmanship..it took me only 15 mins to produce this...would look better if I spend at least an hour to sew it...hehe...


i decided to try sewing using sewing machine...yup...i bought a small yet simple sewing machine for a beginner....(yes..i am afraid that this is just hangat hangat tahi ayam...but i really want to give it a go)...so...i tried...!

i've told my friend  ska my intention of sewing...and she said go for it...she said it's gonna be fun!
(she sew a lot! she loves fashion...so..she sew outwear that she designed herself!) and yeah.... it's fun...i find it fun... i am quite keen into crafty stuff...and since i am still new to this sewing world (i mean sewing using the machine.. =P)i think i'll stick to do just a simple stuff...

here some stuff that i've sewn..

the cover for the pad...1st  attempt using the sewing machine...

bought it second hand...

it's a combination of cotton and fleece...i don't know if it's my machine...or fleece is just being so "unfriendly" with my sewing machine...(or maybe its a sign that i should get myself a proper sewing machine?? =P)


there...its a bit smaller than the normal size pillow.

pillow cover...well anyway...i got this pillow from a friend who went back to Malaysia for good...so...i adjusted the pillow since the cotton inside the pillow "dah huru hara"...and here the final product...the cover for the 'not so cantik pillow'..hehe...
i love sewing it since the material is super easy to be handled...so...my sewing machine had behaved really well during the time i sewn this...hehe...

using the balance from the fabric i used to sew the pillow cover...i made this simple head scarf...I like it...it fits me just nice...



the reversible bag...
pardon me for the bad quality pictures

and using the 'leftover'...i experiment on baby boy's shoe..(strap shoe)and i didn't realize that i am actually out of fabric...so..i just did it anyway...just to see how it goes...(sebelah je..T__T)

the unfinish product


so..overall..i find it fun to do all these artsy, crafty thingy...if you go and browse how to do this and that through the internet..it will finally led you to pages that will encourage you to DIY everything..hehe...

and to be true...i have a lot of other things that i want to try doing.

- E N D -

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

eid 2012

this eid..i was away from my family...

i thought its going to be hard..celebrate eid without family members around me...but...to be honest...i enjoyed  my eid... i felt the love...i felt the joy...we cooked together...we takbir together..we have all the foods...

its good to have a small community here..at least..you get to know everyone..and everyone knows you...
some of the non muslim friend also did come to celebrate it with us...and we chatted..we ate all day...just like in Malaysia....makan makan...and tengah hari mengantuk sebab kenyang..it happened here too...

nyanyi2 lagu raya with the Malaysian chinese friends...and it surprise me that they sang the song better than me...teasing the non malay speaking friends...owh it just fun...

alhamdulillah..i havent feel sad for celebrating it away from family...i feel blessed and happy....
mereka juga sayang saya di sini....

with the some of the classmates

with some of the Malaysians...some had already left heading to the next open house

some of the ladies

Sophea...the soon to be cutest girl

the cheeky Achik and sensitive Along

Fidasa...beautiful little girl i must say

Ammar...Launnie boy...who can resist this cute little thing?

and here Fidasa and me right after Solat Aidilfitri..comel rasa nak tampo je budak ni..haha...

i didn't capture much this year...as i am too busy helping around for the open house...so..bila nak bergambo nya kan??

*Selamat Hari Raya...Ampunkan lah mulut longkang ku ini...huuuuu...

- E N D -

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

ponder

i actually started watching the anwar hadi video (makna cinta ramadhan) at FB...and i finally checked on Matluthfi's.. (just in case he has any new vlog) and sudahnya...kalau dah bukak youtube...haruslah terjebak dari satu video ke satu video...and i find this video answers my friends' question about me not yet getting married.. (ayat kasarnya...ghope macam takmo setel down je~)


panjang meleret gak video ni....some will say...ala...video bebudak nya...duhhhh~


i've been asked by one of my guy friend about the criteria i like/want in man...honestly speaking...i am not really into those sweet talking thingy..and those surprise and all...(i still remember my girlfriends wanted to held a surprise party for me..as in..surprise that i might 'startle / stumble' upon everything...and i overheard one of them said..don't make it too surprising...she'll hate it...haha...see how they really understand me..)maybe because i've been surrounded by too many sweet talker..and i am not an all time sweet talker myself..only if i m close enough to anyone..they'll know that i care...or being sweet...haha...

so..video ni..bagus untuk difikir2 kan...betul la tu ape bebudak ni cakap....
duit boleh cari..attitude? habis duit..habis la sweet...
action must speaks louder than word..seriously...

*adik matluthfi berbunyi sangat matluthfi.. haha...

owh...last skali..sangkut video ni di hujung hujung procrastination... haha...

 



chester see - super hot...muahahaha...bye!

- E N D -

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Hadith #13

On the authority of Anas bin Malik, the servant of the messenger of Allah, that the prophet said : 

"None of you [truely] believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself."

p related by Bukhari and Muslim

copied from http://www.iium.edu.my/deed/hadith/other/hadithnawawi.html#hadith13

and you can always find explanation(s) regarding this hadith bersepah sepah if you browse through internet.

this entry should be my last monday or sunday entry...but yeah..i am too lazy to type what ever i had in mind...so..here it is...i finally post it today...

i've attended the usrah session with some of the muslimah in Launceston last sunday..and they insisted me to break the fast with them that day..and i have no reason to say no...i've made thousands excuses before for not attending the usrah and not joining the iftar for ladies...so..since last sunday might be our last iftar this year...so...i have to attend it...

so..we discussed about so many things during usrah...specifically surah al-qadr and hadith #13...  surah al-qadr is all about lailatuqadr (the night of power - decree) and hadith #13 is about how important we have to love other muslim just like we love ourself....

we have to tell everyone how do we show our love towards others...and apparently...i can't name any...maybe because i am the first one need to speak up my thoughts...

what i said were that i'll do what ever i hope others will do for me...and won't do things that i don't want people to do to me... because there's always time...when i was hurt by anyone...and felt like dealing bitchly with the person who mess with me...i'll kept telling myself that if i do the same thing he/she did to me...i am just as worst  as him/her...

some said they show their love through food, gifts, smile, jokes and etc...

and there's one sister said that her first impression towards me was that i am a bit reserved...but it's easy to get along with me..because i always smile and polite..(awwww..this is super sweet)...and one other sister said..."haaa..akak tak tengok time dia garang lagi...first time saya jumpa dia saya rasa dia sombong"...ahahhaha...

so...both of that comments..are the impressions that i always get when i first time meet strangers...

i can conclude that it was a wonderful session with the sisters..both..the usrah session and the iftar...i can feel the love...especially from the elder sisters...(yeah..i don't have problems dealing with people who are older than me...as long as they respect me...they deserve all my love and respect!)...i don't know that i've been dear to many...thanks Allah...its the feeling that i can't describe...but i love that feeling...

so...obviously, love is important...get to know someone..then you'll know how you could show your love towards them..and love because of Allah...it will definly make a different...!

- E N D -

Thursday, August 9, 2012

"akrabnya kita"

entry hari ni akan membincangkan issue issue diri sendiri dan manusia sekeliling...

so, pernah tak korang rasa macam korang unik?

i am the one who always feel that i am unique regardless what people said about me about how weird i am sometimes...

pernah tak korang macam tengok something or listen to something..korang macam teringat kat sesiapa...or tetiba ada image muka sape-sape flash or pop in your mind...

so...these few days...i've heard so many random stuff about me...keluarnya dari mulut rakan2 sekeliling dan yang jauh jauh juga...

i bumped into my hong kong friend at the city the other day...and she said..she found one skirt that she thought i would wear...and she described the design and the shop she found it... i took out the skirt i've bought..and voila...that's the skirt she meant....

my housemates watch this design clip at youtube and said she think that clip is just so me...aha! interesting...i like the clip very much...but i don't think i can  ever produce such clip....tu belum lagi dia tengok movie or random stuff...and yes...selalunya memang those things attract me...

my friend want to go for jalan jalan tanpa hala....and she asked me out...and along the way..she kept telling me...if it's not me...she has no idea who else she could ask to accompany her...we randomly drive to anywhere we wanted...we went for an unplanned jungle trekking...captured awesome pictures...and explore the whole 'world'...and yes...i like those unplanned journey...we explore a lot...and found a lot of cool place....usually..she will be driving and i will be the one who ask her to stop once i found a place that will be great for a photoshoot...

my gamers friends...some of them will randomly call or text me...just to tell me they miss me or just teringat...because they've been listening to certain song during the games...or they've been randomly play games that they have been trying to teach me long time ago...usually..i end up tido or main game kanak-kanak lain seperti word guessing...and game ni pon tido je....game lain yang penah dorang paksa aku main..will end up aku membebel sepanjang game...so...i am just so not into game...  -__-"

this happen very recent...one of my friend said he miss me to accompany him to go watching movies...as aku je yg layan tengok cerita kanak-kanak katanya.... -__-"

"kalau tengok barang belang-belang sure teringat kunang..." and seriously i don't know how often i wore cloth with stripes

one of my friend said...everytime he saw a woman with a sling bag...he sees me... (padahal aku bawak je handbag..lepas tu kau kutuk aku selamba je kan!)

last few days...my friend told me she miss go jalan jalan cari makan with me...(nampak sangat asyik makan je kerja aku...)

my ex officemates texted me just to tell me how they miss my sarcastic jokes...and how "terkejut" i am bila diterjah...hahaha....

my niece told her mum that she misses me while watching wonderpet.

my nephew told his mum that if he ever need to go to the theme park again...he would like to go with me...and he told my mum not to allow me to marry to anyone so i am all his forever...hamboih...

tengok kenari putih..tengok kombi...pop art..art sana...art sini..teringat kunang...owh... =' ) i am terharu

most of my friends..when they found something that is artsy, ada la terselit ingatan diorang kat aku...
walaupon aku tidak berpuisi, tak pandai pon main instrument, tak pandai pon melukis, dan serba serbi tak pandai....bila adanya mende2 berbentuk seni...seronok je bila tahu...when your friend said..if only you were here... sweet u'olls...

kalau music...siapa yang dah biasa dengan aku...akan tahu lagu apa yang aku akan suka dan letak dalam playlist...dan lagu aku yang akan aku gelak2 tiap kali dengar...or apa yang aku dengar bila aku buat kerja...

and all these people...are those who never tried to win my heart....but they all have 'won' my heart...
i am being me when i am with them...and i know they just being them...

mereka ini macam family kita....yang kita rasa tak pernah paham kita..tapi hakikatnya yang paling dekat dengan kita...

*seriously..there's so many things i saw and listened lately remind me to many people...tu blom kira makanan yang aku makan...owh..i miss everyone!

- E N D -

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

judging itu bangang

entry lama yang tak di post post~

i think i used to write about how bangang people with their judging attitude...

i have to admit myself...i did judge people sometimes...but that was years back..now..as long as i never talk to that person...i won't be judging...yes, i know, first impression is everything...but studying oversea, here in TAS had taught me a lot about how stupid people judge people...

judging is seriously....BANGANG.....

so, i had this conversation with some of my friend...Malaysian...mean that..among the Malay and Chinese friends....

i always thought that this "judging" phenomena only happen among the Malays...apparently..it also happen to other races...

lets look to several situation...

you met a man full with tattoo on his arm...our common perception will be...
owh..he must be one of the gang?

you saw your classmate came to school with skateboard...with his skate clothes..look as messy as he never comb his hair..and if you don't know him...you could be mistaken him with other street kids...
owh...he must be the "problem child"

you saw a hot, perfect, structured body woman...
owh...she must be the "great" bimbo

you talk to someone who seems feminine..talk soft...clean and clear face...well scented body...
owh...she must be a full time knitter.. or the only thing she care about is her pedi meni..

and so the list goes...i mean the situations...

you assume people stupid, careless, have no life, gay (because he don't have girlfriend), lesbian (because she don't have boyfriend) or tak laku (just because he/she is happier to live alone)(i used to be one of those mulut longkang too...and sangat menyesal dengan diri sendiri)

i've met the most polite person who had tattoos all over his arm...he look like he belong to a gang or something...but seriously...he's kind, warm, and polite...

i saw him helped the old ladies with their shopping bags...hold doors for the people after him...smile to us asian while everyone being racist...talk about how he think about how he really interested in Islam...he read quran everyday to read the beautiful words...

so..seriously...everyone seems normal/scary until we get to know them...
we have no right to judge them because we don't know what they think, what the felt everyday, what they need to face, what really they need or don't need.

give people chance to live their life...stop interrupting other people's life..live your life to the fullest....

tak menyibuk hal orang pon kau boleh hidup bahagia...
ingat, kita tak pernah takde sesiapa....

i always have Him...

- E N D -

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Minum air bergelen gelen yang sia sia

Kusangka hingus yang mengalir deras,
nak solat pon tak selesa, nak rukuk, nak sujud, rasa tak bebas,
Pelik, dah dijangka tapi nak dilayan malas,
Sampai dah dikesat baru kau tahu 'hingus' dah jadi darah baru nak rasa cemas,

Apa dah jadi?
Aku minum sampai rasa nak muntah tapi ku kuatkan hati,
Agar stay hydrated dan tak memudaratkan diri.
Mahu saja aku lumur minyak masak di kulit kering ini,
Sebab rasanya losen pelembap dah tak jalan lagi.

Ok..

Soalan.
Batal ke puasa?

Stress

-E N D-
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Thursday, August 2, 2012

sampah bersepah

sound manusia sejagat pasal aurat macam malaikat
background twitter kau tengah cium pipi awek macam dah terlekat
mana pergi falsafah aurat?
rambut wanita lain sibuk kau suruh tutup takut dilihat
rambut awek sendiri sibuk nak tunjuk hitam berkilat?

pastikan kita tak pernah berjumpa...kalau kau tak mati, pastikan aku mati.
panas hati.

- E N D -