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Friday, July 27, 2012

semak, menyampah, malas nak endah

this is going to be an annoying entry...i might sound like a cold, hard, ungrateful bitch... so..if you're easily annoyed...i advise you not to read this entry...

i warn you...entry ni berunsur biadap!

i just got back from the multicultural night...
another boring event since most of the performance are almost the same like the past event....

just like my previous entry...i brag about my problems..and how how hard had it hit me that i almost fall apart....

i couldn't thank everyone enough for all the kindness and support...seriously..i am seriously thankful that He sent me all of you...i feel stronger and less afraid...

i had this few people from the past who are coming back into my life...people who used to be nice and i finally got sick with these people...well, anyway...people seems normal until we got to know them... so..seriously...i have problems with people who cared too much...who risau tak tentu pasal...who gave the attention i don't want...who force me to say what they want to listen...who want me to be what they expect their friend/partner/dreamgirl to be like...who keep asking me why i prefer be alone...or why i am still single...~

FYI...

i rather be alone...seriously..call me sadist...sick, pathetic,cold, ignorant or whatever you want to call me...i am who i am...i cannot be changed..what ever your idea about ANYTHING  in your mind is your idea...not mine... i can be nice all the time...but can be hell ruthless too...if i don't want to talk...or refuse to say something...don't make me say it...what is the point of me saying stuff that only satisfied others but not myself??  yes..i might sound selfish here...but i am seriously tired...sick and annoyed with all these attention i don't need...or to be precise...attentions i hate...

so...tak perlu doakan yang bukan2 untuk orang lain...as if you never hurt anyone in your life...trust me..when there's a fight...takkan pernah hanya salah satu pihak sahaja....

and there's no such thing as sweet justice...

'that moment when you find out the person that broke your heart just had their's broken'

NO..!!!

manusia apakah kau? ya..i know it's normal to hold grudge...but why can't you just forgive...?? i know forget will definly be hell hard....


*self note
belajar menerima realiti...
belajar bezakan kemahuan dan keperluan
belajar untuk tidak rasa yang salah tu orang lain sahaja (apa bagus sangat dah kau?)
belajar untuk gagal
belajar untuk ditolak dan dilanting
belajar untuk berhenti berharap
belajar untuk tahu bila harus berhenti mencuba sesuatu yang sama
belajar untuk rasa hormat dengan keputusan orang lain
belajar untuk sabar
BERUSAHA untuk lebih dekat padaNya

**kadang-kadang rasa mahu saja hamburkan apa jua 'bait bait' yang ada di dalam kepala di muka orang tak paham bahasa, yang menyibuk tak tentu hala, dan tak lupa juga yang sibuk persoal pendirian aku...


siapa korang???!!



*** my friend is the one who compliment less and let me know that i've done things wrongly...and never force me to do thing i hate...


**** my so-so friend are those who compliment all the time...sweet talk all the time(this thing won't work towards me, i live in the world where everyone talk sweet and they finally turn to be my worst enemies)


***** dan sampah-sampah yang tak patut ada...~ yang sibuk nak ubah aku jadi apa yang diorang nak....yang seronok sangat nak tolong jaga hal aku yang tak sepatutnya...


boleh pegi mati! 

- E N D -

Thursday, July 19, 2012

serabut

bukan senang nak senang
bukan susah nak susah

bila harapan hanya tinggal impian
ada pula yang sibuk cuba menjadikan impian itu realiti

kala jatuh tersungkur tak mampu nak bangun
ramai pula yang datang mahu menolong
tak kurang yang tak putus menjeritkan kata-kata semangat untuk bangkit
yang menghulur ubat
yang cuba menenang dan meyakinkan bahawa aku tidak akan jatuh lagi kelak
tidak perlu risau, pastikan sembuh jua
tak lupa yang menangis sekali seolah sakitku mereka juga rasa
yang sedih, pilu, teresak tak mampu melihat aku sakit, itu lebih sakit.

tak lupa juga yang mencuba seribu macam cara untuk aku ceria kembali

takut
jika bangkit sakit,
melangkah merana,
mampukah aku berlari?

atau harus kekal tak usah bangkit dan biar luka sembuh sendiri?

mustahil.

terlalu banyak kejutan. mampu kah ditelan semua?

namun masih bersyukur kepada Nya...
sungguh pon sukar...jalan keluar dibuka oleh Nya...ada saja "utusan" dari Nya yang datang menghulur bantuan


- E N D -

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Friday, July 13, 2012

all i need is time.

thanks to those who concern
thanks to those who care to listen
thanks to those who tried to help
thanks for the sweet stuff you said, and the sweetest stuff you gave to make me happy
and those notes...quotes...thoughts..

thank you.

sorry to those whom i refuse to hear to your advise,
to whom i refuse to meet
to whom i've took for granted
to those who i ignored

i've been pretending...
i have to..or else i'll fall to pieces..
i need time on my own...
to find my way back...
to know myself...
and to identify 'hope' and reality.

- E N D -

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Lalalala



Sneak peek before full cover about my holiday...

Today is our last night in gold coast....my holiday is almost end...had a wonderful time with family and friends...the appreciation towards art in gold coast...it's just too good to be true...

Too good to be true...
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Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Bebel

Short one...betapa laaa aku banyak bercakap...dan menulis bukan2 di internet...pemergian ku bercuti kali ini dirasai ramai... #ayatbajetretis

Ye...kali ni alam maya diletak tepi..alam nyata lebih ditumpu...

Banyak berjalan..luas pengalaman..membina jati diri...

*terasa seperti superwoman (in denial takmo ngaku alien..haha..) seorang...asing...berbeza..dan hidup!

Aussieland...it's not bad at all..
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