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Monday, June 18, 2012

another day(s), another year to be remembered

26 years and 3 days...

i had a blissful days...these past few day...after a super hectic weekend...that killing final task of advance design research method unit..i finally smile again and found happiness everywhere in my life.

Thanks Allah. For letting me live until today, and to give me all the happiness.

i had submission on my birthday...which made me went ballistic in some way...not because it was my birthday...but i am pretty tired already to face everything....to do everything..yes..i am just..tired~

15th june..

few friends did call right after the clock hit 12..roa did come to my room to wish happy birthday when im in my worst condition...(bilik bersepah buku berterabur mcm baru lepas kna bomb) and since it was my birthday..and i am in that super stress mode doing ADR..they who called had to listen to me babbling and nagging like makcik after they wish me happy birthday...sorry... but seriously...thank you for calling... =) i am super terharu...

so, after that 5pm submission...i went home and my friends called to postponed our dine out session to 8 pm..and i finally said i feel like not going anywhere anymore because i am super tired after few days of hard work...i fall asleep around 8.15 maybe? because the last time i look at the watch, its already 8.06pm... there goes my birthday...

16th june

woke up and cleaning and clearing up the room...arranging back the notes..pull out all the notes on the wall..and i finally realize i had an unread messages...owh...my friend came last night to send pizza...made it himself as claimed..oke..*terharu*...and later i continue arranging the books and papers in my room..i wonder how can i live this way...

banyak nya kertas!

around 10am... i heard someone ring the door... another treat! "brekkie! happy belated birthday" my friend said... it's nasi lemak...and its awesome...!!!

i feel blessed.. wishes...foods...calls..what else could i ask for? right?

after having the "king's breakfast".. (eat like a king during breakfast!)...went straight to the kitchen to bake...choc chip biscuit (yes..2nd try!) and muffins and fruit cake... (i've been craving for those but too bz to bake it)

and everything went well..just how i wanted it to be... =D

later that evening..nora called to tell that the gorgy's(name that we use to describe the boys who live at georgetown road) wanted to cook for me...

owh..surprisingly..i am no more that girl who can't be moved... surprise... surprise...

so..it was a blissful day i must say...so many thoughtful thing happened...sweet things....memories that i wish i wont forget...

the effort, the time they spent during the busy week of final exam...i am seriously moved...

i don't need fancy stuff nor sweet greetings...really..that tease...that 'rudeness'...that spontaneous... that's what i seek for...the honesty ..the remembrance..the time and effort to cook those yummy meehoon soup...hoi...terharu gila oke! but i am sure they were all clueless about how i feel...

yup..i show not much reaction...sorry korang...but it just me....

all and all...

thanks for everything...the thoughts...the foods..the cards...and most important..the time!!

what else should i ask for when i was given KORANG!!

sweet gila okay...

- E N D -

Thursday, June 14, 2012

I feel like a nerd trying hard to deal with his life...er...his?


i wonder how can i live this way...have a look at my own room make me feel like a man...or hipster much? 

i took a glance at all my bags i hung at the corner of the room...i do own a handbag...(which i kept safe and sound in the drawer..) haven't use it yet...i use sling bag most of the time...or messenger bag...i look at the book i read nowadays...and i was like..what am i? hipster? artist? or hipster again? -__-" i look at the stuff i drew...and i was like...that's so me...i look at the playlist i had..thank god i still listen to some girly song....

yeah..ni namanya paranoid tak pasal2....

thank God i do own some pink stuff and my table cover is grey with pink star pattern...(yeah i bought it because its cheap..~)and some girly pattern wrapper that i use to wrap boxes to place some stuffs... or else...macam identity crisis je bilik haku ni rasanya... T__T

but..i do wear skirts..i use make up sometimes..i love kids...i read girl's book...i like cute things..i mean..i do what other girls do..am i? yerp..i might be a bit more ignorant than others... 

i am tired to be seen as all the time cool or okay...or MR.know everything or read everything..tired to be compared with matt...(seriously??? why can't i be compared with catriona or ceridwen instead..or anu???) each time i've been compared...i am compared to a man...like seriously?? is that a compliment? or should i feel offended??

i would like to say i don't give a damn...but to not give a damn about stuff that happen to you everyday..it seems impossible...

euwww...

shouldn't i be collecting more girl stuff? and read more girly stuff? am i really into art? am i? do i look like i can rephrase all the words from any books? or do i remind you towards someone...??

all and all..i just a normal human being who care about herself... try to improve herself...and do what she likes... 

i am not trying to be like someone...no intention at all to remind you towards someone...i say what i feel...and when i said it..i meant it...it doesn't go the other way around where when people said no..it meant yes...

hell no...!!

i might look like someone...might sound like someone...but to be brilliant like that someone...NOT YET!!!

*benar lah nasihat mak...bersikap seperti 'perempuan' sket!
i am..am i?

- E . N . D -






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Wednesday, June 13, 2012

reading sick. writing suck.

here i am again...

i should have start my ADR since last friday...but what have i done..?? i barely started...
so...starting today..my best is going to be my full time enemy... and i need to keep in mind to not to 'syok sendiri' while writing...

i found myself syok sendiri when i finally realize that..the main thing i should've wrote is about the space...not the art... arrggghhh...seriously...i am super duper easy distracted...

this final task really make me feel sick..i am too lazy to think..to lazy to read...and even writing..

i got pissed when most of the peers said that it wont be any problems for me to do this task as writing is my 'thing'..and seriously i have no idea since when had writing had been my thing?

yup..pray hard..work hard...gather all the force..the power..the magic..the miracle on earth...so..i could finish this up on time...yeah...due..5pm..15th june! and then...i shall free myself from all these archi thingy...i really hope i wont miss you architecture..!!!

- E N D -

Monday, June 11, 2012

ask for more...?

i've been super unstable these few days...i lost myself in my own world...i became upset about everything...i became clueless about everything..i said stupid things..rant about everything...whine about random stuff and seriously..i really hope i am okay... -___-

so...today... i woke up with this feeling of wanting to eat something sweet.. i mean...dessert.. for sure...i wanted to make choc chip biscuit..i mean...to give a second try after the first one..yeah..the first one...it didn't taste just like how i wanted it to be...(fussy? yes!! but i'll make sure i can make as good as famous amos one day!) im the kind who imagine the taste of the food while producing it...so...when it turn out not like how i imagine it should be/taste/look...i become depress (exaggerate much?! ) and morally down..(again, exaggerate much!)...

too afraid that i might fail again for the second time...i finally made that biscuit mix turn to be a cake mix...ha! yep...too afraid to be a risk taker...i cannot afford to face another 'failure' at this moment when i am seeking for a happiness.. haha...

so..while waiting for it...the aroma it produced...it's super soothing...it's the exact aroma i'm hoping for...and i am super anxious to take the first bite...afraid that it might not taste like how i wanted it to be....

so...

took the first bite..and voila! exactly the taste im hoping for! alhamdulillah...


baking therapy...

- E N D -

Friday, June 8, 2012

kosong

i had a super hectic week this week...and yet..another less hectic week is awaiting next week...and i dont know if i'll have a peace better week the week after or i'll just keep whining about everything and ungratefully react towards everything...

owh.. i just watched Another Earth...one of my friend recommend it..surprise enough to know that i actually already had that movie but haven't watch it...o..it must be an uncool movie huh? or else...i must have watch it long time ago..ha! so..its another think-flat movie in my opinion...the feeling f watching it is like when i watched adaption-simply pathetic i must say but yet too brilliant to be digested in my mind...(a typical underground type movie maybe? with too many hidden message in it )

somehow..i think another earth definly is not the right movie to be watched right now...now i feel bad... too much thinking will drive you nuts... seriously~

as i watched that..i am thinking about how pathetic my life now..and how i am in my own world...and how the world view me... yeah..people who are attached to art thingy are weird...we know we are weird...and we thing people with us from the same circle are weirdos...and we rather use the word unique to define this weird-ness? (too in denial to be in that weird circle?)

after submitting those two tasks that nearly killed.... i havent feel released...at all....!!!

weird!

- E N D -

Friday, June 1, 2012

Hold on, you have to make it through


Seriously sick and tired of all these tasks…I am totally blurred and almost have no idea about what I am currently doing… please hold on kunang!

I never thought that I could get sick with something that I really into. With the super cold weather…I could have die sick of struggling doing stuff that I, myself are not sure if it would turn out ok or bad. I am here to declare…I am seriously panic for everything now.. panic basically in my very own dictionary means lack of preparation to ‘fight’.. yes I am not well prepared to fight in this archi crazy battle… and I am so not sure if I am brave or strong enough to be in the battle… (sempat lagi nak doubt diri sendiri..? *slap forehead)

Ok…I had this major headache yesterday that I thought I could have fall sick badly..but...alhamdulillah.. after 8 hours of sleep..(and bangun stress sbb dah buang masa banyak sangat untuk tido..T_T) i feel better when I woke up this morning.. what left is just that slight fever and rasa tak sedap seluruh badan..(well I think its normal..each time nak submission pon seram sejuk…haha..)

*I need all the strength in the world…to make it through.. (poyo!)
**I met few people that reminds me a lot about the past..they sound like them…act like them..and nice like them…and thank God they do not look like them… I used to get rid of these people before… and it would be the same in present.. when the time comes… what should happen..will eventually happen. 


- E N D -